Navigating the holidays and special occasions after a loss

The holidays and special occasions after losing a loved one can be some of the most challenging times to navigate. While it may feel like you’ve unwillingly joined a club no one wants to be part of, it’s important to know you can and will make it through these moments with grace–and even moments of unexpected joy.

The first year of loss

The first year after losing a loved one brings a truly difficult journey that is different for everyone. Whether you and your loved one celebrated every holiday or did very little acknowledging of special days, each occasion in that first year can bring about new ways of grieving that can catch you off guard. It’s okay if you find yourself standing in the candy aisle at the holidays crying at the first sight of the tree-shaped peanut butter cups because your loved one thought they were the “perfect ratio of chocolate to peanut butter.” Grief can present itself in daily moments, not just on special occasions.

Navigating special moments

The holidays tend to magnify your loss in that first year as you navigate the empty chairs at the dinner table or unpack a holiday stocking that was significant to your loved one. Be kind to yourself in these moments. Talking to friends and family ahead of special events to let them know how you are expecting to feel can help them support you better. If you’re navigating the days alone, remember that the friend who offered you to “call me anytime” really is there and ready to let you talk. Sometimes, just a quick call with a friend can ease your sorrow.

Taking it one day at a time

During the first year after a loss, it can help to take one thing at a time. For example, if your family has big Thanksgiving plans, consider committing to one event rather than overwhelming yourself. Setting boundaries and expressing your needs ahead of time can go a long way in helping loved ones support you. If grief hits unexpectedly during an event, step outside for a quick walk or a moment of fresh air. Self-care is crucial–whether through a walk in nature, a quiet nap, or other comforting rituals.

Finding support

You will know when you may need more support than just a family member or friend to talk to. Trying to manage grief alone is very hard. If you don’t feel that your loved ones are providing the support you need, seeking out a counselor or group therapy can give you a place to feel connected, especially during the holidays. There is no timeline for grief, so even years later, counseling can be a great source of comfort.

Special days and anniversaries

You may wake up on your anniversary or the day of your loved one’s birthday, and feel like opening the door to the world and asking if everyone could just pause and acknowledge that this is a special day. When you lose a loved one, those special days you enjoyed and celebrated together still arrive on time, on the calendar, every year. The first year, you may find that crawling under the covers and not coming out is what you need. However, as you learn to live through your loss, finding special ways to honor your loved one can become a very dear way to help you grieve. Perhaps you plan a special day with your loved one’s best friend or a family member who is also missing them. Finding comfort in being with people who also love and miss your person can provide a sincere way to share the difficulty of loss. If you’re not up for planning something with others, the simple act of lighting a candle or playing their favorite song can help you acknowledge the day, their life, and act as another step forward in your journey.

Conclusion

Navigating the holidays and special occasions after the loss of a loved one is undoubtedly challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to honor their memory and find new ways to celebrate. By being kind to yourself, seeking support when needed, and embracing the moments of joy that come your way, you can create a meaningful path through grief. Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being. Each step you take is a testament to your resilience and love for the person you’ve lost. Let’s cherish the memories, lean on our support systems and allow ourselves the grace to heal.